Life right now...

I thought I would do an update like I did with my pregnancy posts.  We have made it 4 weeks!!  It will be a month tomorrow which feels like a HUGE accomplishment.  

Let's start with the girls... They are doing well!  They definitely have their newborn moments of being awake when they're supposed to be sleeping and vice versa and having a hard time settling down, and they seem to take turns when it comes to that.  Riley is generally more content and doesn't mind hanging out by herself (although the past day or so she has been kind of fussy!).  Madelyn continues to have the same personality as on the inside of being our mover and shaker, she loves to be held and doesn't like to be by herself.  They both love to be swaddled and don't like when their arms are out.  They both like the swings for now which is really nice.  Having been around them, we don't think they look alike at all, lol.  And really we don't think they look like any of our other children, so it will be really interesting to see what they look like going forward.  If we had to guess, we think they will end up with blue eyes, we will see!  We are having fun with firsts like going to the park, the Rexburg splash park, going to church, being outside, and all of that.  

I am nursing them and usually tandem feed them for all of the daytime feeds and one at a time at the middle of the night feeds.  They eat every 3 hours in the day and can go 4-4.5 hours at night.  We are continuing to supplement with formula after each feed and they each get between .5-1.5 ounces.  Feeding them is one of the most stressful things.  I know breastfeeding is super important and I am glad I was able to do it with all three of the other kiddos but it is HARD with two!  It's hard to know if I am making enough milk and I am doing a lot to try to up my supply (brewer's yeast, chocolate malt ovaltine, drinking a gallon of water everyday, essential oils, etc.).  So for now we will keep doing what we are doing but I am trying to keep an open mind and be flexible going forward and we will reevaluate once our help is all gone and once school starts.  ...not going to lie some days switching straight to formula is really tempting since right now feeding them takes almost an hour between nursing and doing bottles and is a lot easier with an extra set of hands... however, we don't want to have to pay for formula for TWO (we were lucky to have never bought formula for any of our kids so I had zero idea of how much it cost until the other day, holy moly!!)! We will see what happens, the most important part is fed and happy babies so we'll do what it takes for that!

I am feeling really grateful for the gifts of so many many diapers!  I am not really keeping track of how many diapers we are using because I think that would be a scary number!  If I had to guess we are using about 14-16 diapers a day, maybe more, so we are definitely using a lot!  But we haven't had to buy a single diaper for the twins and we have PLENTY in our closet right now.  We have continued to feel such an outpouring from neighbors, friends, family, and ward members.  We had amazing meals brought in, treats, visits, and gifts (of diapers!) even from people we don't know super well... or for example from the oldest couple in the ward who brought a box of diapers.  Seriously so sweet and we really appreciate the love and support.  I am so glad that we are here and have all of this support during this time, it helps make it even more special.

So how am I doing?!  First of all I absolutely cannot believe I am a mom of FIVE and that I have twins.  It seriously blows my mind and I am not sure if that feeling will ever wear off.  I have to say, that at least for now, things are going better than I thought they would... maybe that just means that I expected the absolute worst!  Yes I am sleep deprived which is a struggle sometimes but physically I am feeling WAY better than I did when I was pregnant, especially at the end.  It feels amazing to be able to walk, bend over, sleep, etc. without it hurting!  No heartburn and not feeling out of breath and for my swelling to finally go down all feels amazing!  That is a big boost for me to feel good.  I also loved losing 36 pounds in 3 weeks!  Too bad the scale has stopped going down with 20 pounds left to lose and me still looking 5 months pregnant.  Oh well, I did just grow two babies so I know it will take time... just not sure when I will find time to exercise!  I am also very aware that how things are going is also based on the amount of help that I have.  My mom is here and Steve is home too which is huge.  I honestly can't imagine if I only had help for a week and then was on my own, that would've been a nightmare.  I know I am lucky in that way compared to most.  I try to focus on each day and try not to think about my lack of sleep, or not being able to sleep through the night for who knows how long, or the long road ahead of us with 5 kiddos.  If I start to think about all of that it gets very overwhelming!  I definitely think it will be a whole new ball game once my mom is gone and once Steve gets a job... it definitely scares me!!

I had my last doctor's appointment last week.  It was supposed to be my 2 week appointment but it was more like 3 and a half weeks.  My doctor had mentioned that they like to see the babies at some point and since I was feeling good I decided to take the babies by myself, it was my first time doing that!  They did great and it was so fun to show them off to my doctor and all of the nurses and staff.  I had such a great experience this go around with my doctor.  I loved Dr. Asay and all of the staff, nurses and ultrasound tech.  I never had that with any of my other pregnancies so that was so nice, especially with a trickier pregnancy and A LOT more appointments.  In a weird way I am kind of sad that I won't be going back anymore.  If anyone needs an OB/GYN in the Idaho Falls area, I definitely know who I would recommend!

The other kids are doing pretty well.  It seems that on a lot of days that the older 3 are harder than the 2 newborns, mostly because it is summer.  Preston likes to be on the go constantly so he gets bored at home easily, Abby can get whiny and tired, and Kaley is just about 2 so she can have her moments.  It takes a lot of work to keep them busy right now!  Thankfully we found fun science camps for Preston to do this week and next for 3 hours everyday and Abby just started a tumbling class twice a week.  Once again I am so glad to have Steve around because he can help get the kids out of the house a lot more than I could on my own with all 5.  I really don't want to be one of those moms that just counts down the days until school starts and I really love summer here but at the same time school will definitely help the chaos around here.  We have 7 weeks left of summer (counting this week) so hopefully we can still do some fun things and not just go crazy with kiddos.

The past couple of weeks I have had several reminders of how lucky, or should I say blessed, we are to have these sweet babies and that they are healthy and doing well.  To hear of others having to face miscarriage, a stillbirth, and having a baby born unexpectedly with special needs (obviously that child will be loved unconditionally but it is still a challenge and difficult moving forward).  I have known friends and others facing these problems in the past but it is put into a new perspective when I stare into the eyes of both of my beautiful baby girls.  I am not sure how I got so lucky and I don't understand why others have to endure such difficult trials.  It definitely doesn't seem fair but it is a huge reminder to cherish all 5 of my babies and count my blessings every single day.  Being a mother is an amazing calling even if I feel inadequate at times.

Happy Due Date to these girlies!  July 6th!  Riley on the left, Maddie on the right.

My girls holding my girls!

This past Sunday, July 10th, the twins and I went to church for the first time!  We only did sacrament meeting... I am still trying to figure out the logistics of feeding both of these babies while at church.  They did great and just slept in their car seats but they looked absolutely adorable!

Riley & Madelyn